Today on the day when i exactly believes in the end of the love. I finally have to judge myself. I have to stop the very beating of my heart. I had promised him. A promise which no one can believe that this is real and sensible. None of the living being can understand how i could make this strong devotion. Even many had told me, it was wrong. No wonder, even I had told me that it might be wrong. Then, Now, On, I beleive in myself this promise has never been killed. I never had any weapon to use, never ever. Stupidly I just knew it recently, that I could never find a good one to kill this, Promise. It's been a year passed. I never thought i could come back to reality. I always thought it was im possible to see him again directly infront of me. It was my choice or just my imagination which led me this way. It had to be the best year of my life. When we both pronounced that we will really be together forever. "forever boyfriend" . It was me We believed to let ourselves be full of happiness. We were deceiving people. Yes, we might have. "forever this heart is yours, and your home". The last sentence which remained in my lips in my last step which he could reach by eyes. Those feeling warmed my heart, melted the candle of tears in my eyes. last smile which blossomed out of the tears. I believed, he believed, they believed.
As I sat on that favourite window seat. I regreted too much that I never let him leave me. I just wanted to feel what he was feeling on his part. Tears were flowing down my face. I kept the promise of no mentioning any part of our happiness in my mouth, never ever. Days had gone by. Me, my life, and him. I still felt nothing no strength in me. He tried his best to wish me getting my happiness back. He, who I never thought would think of me in this side. He was so patient. Sitting beside, no word came out from his beautiful mouth. I never love this way of him. I used to be so fussy at seeing his silence upon my fussy way of life. I used to complain about him this way.But now, he had to be happy, I'm in his way, looking so. He who had brought me this way far, and close. I used to feel I was alone carrying a big bag of love which i never thought he had the same feeling towards me. I always thought i was the one who was in love. I dint feel a return but I accepted all.
"I need a refresh"
how my mouth said that to him. I never expected anything good or bad from this sentence. I said this sentence deliberately, moody face, fake smiles flowering my days. I was not broken hearted nor even disappointed by him the one who was infront of me. I just got a hollow in my heart. a part which was always full of the moment of truth, which always led the new happiness come in. I was so busy, recallling those dreams which i eve awore only would remain as a dream. I couldn't see the reality upon my life now. How, I felt the hollow without sadness, like this emptiness stopped on its way. My brain couldn't stop trying recalling Him, the one who was no more infront of me. The owner of all the beauty of the blue sky. I loved. Stoped. Full stop. So, What remain is an emptiness which no one could ever replace.
"Just go and come back soon", He was sounding patient, I did not care about his feeling, even, I understood how he understood me on his beloved way. He knew how my heart was so empty. Ho loved. Me. I belived. Though I ever wished for him to find th truth of his life and by mistake suddenly left me for another better condition, I ever swore that I would never blame him. Still. the one who was still infront of me. Spelling the best wishing for me for getting a refreshment. I am lost. I out of his love, I believed. My life, I never wished to be so empty even I ever thought it would be so.
A chance let me stay in a dark corner of my room. Sitting there with an empty notebook. I wanted to fill it full with all the stories about him, the one who was then much too far away from my reach. Dreams. Mom, was busy packing my needs for my refreshment. The party was coming in the next moth. heart needed me to contemplate. I needed to forget al te way things that I ever swore I never was be aable once to forget. I loved. My mouth could only spell this much. a sentence which I , me, No one could be able to finish with an important object. Tears, were flowing. I could only pray that this heart will believe in me.
Life would never be fair enough towards the one who was infront me. Though I am tryingtosetle things upon my rigt and my righteous wayof living, I stillcouldn't understand the wayhe was looking more innocent then just a stupid sparrow. So what about me even in this minute I couldnt recall the way i sincerely loving his guy in my past which was passed. Love, now and then. I could not understand still why i lost this all after such a good way i put a pause oo to his life about me, stili couldnt find the best way of him wanting me. Did he ever try toforget the way i was forcing himto be mine though i knew it was tohard for him to understandmy way. Oh life!!! why evrythinng was gettingharder. I ever thought loe would always be easytokill, to pause and to restart.Now I had lost myself. Alas.
A nice since passed my mind. A nigth when we didint have anywhere to sit, to just enjoy a bitter tea. He was facing me. I was then laughing at an extrardinary scene of my life. " you are the one who I ever let see me in this skirt"
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