It was a very rough month for me. I had to dumb a nice boyfriend. I had been with him for almost 2 months but I dint think he was the right one for me. He was a handsome successful businessman who was not too successful in study. He changed car weekly. But, I was too afraid of having him though this life. I guess it would be hard for me to follow his way of life. Afterall he was very nice and kind. On a very beautiful saturday afternoon, we met in a city park, the place where he really didnt like. He'd rather think of going to a restaurant or another cool place to meet his lover.
Since that day, the date of january 19th has been an unforgetable moment in his life. He went out in a ay light to see his lover. Again he would have chosen a nice evening under the twilight. Yea...He was a kind of romantic, posessive, and Mr. "have have to do wht the lover asks". Those were parts i love the most from him. He felt very strange that he crashed a motor bike right in front of his house when he decided to go with a car. I had told him to go with a bike...He called me and said "babe...i dont wanna miss you". I hung up.
I had told my friends that i was done with him. There was nothing else to do with this man. I wasnt brave to start a very serious relationship, what he expexted to have. i was plain and green and still wanna play around. LOl...he really didnt know that i was having three other dates the other day. He didnt knew me at all and i dint wanna get too close to him as well. Gals said he was the one should be chosen to spend the life with. I said NO.
Finally the time had to pass very fast. I went there earlier than him to choose the right seat. The right seat was the closest too the police hut. I knew him a bit dangerous when he got mad. Later on, i knew i was mistaken for this kind of thought. The plan was, That i would sit down nicely, waiting for him without any doubt of sweet face, and talked calmly as i thought this was the best way for us to continue ourlives.
He arrived, I was turning in to scared. I saw his cool bike which we usually rode. Suddenly the romantic pictures of us reviewed in my mind. I was about to cancle my plan when he finally called me as he didnt notice my place at all. I was confused, i missed the first call. I waited for annother call. My phone rang again and "hello...."
The word i said, bore another words, another, and another...finally he stood right infront of me. He said "Ma lady...i miss you.." we were still on the phone. I closed my eyes i didnt wanna see his face. "Just sit down nicely beside me and never face me, we keep talking on he phone otherwise i'll run away, it's a public place u know". As it was hard for him to understand he followed.
"why we should be like this, i guess we should go to our favourite spot"
"Yours..not mine"
"repeat"
"see! the main thing i need to say today is that i had enough"
Silent , no talk, no move frome me, he lit his cancer stick. The beautiful part from him when he is sad. I should have noticed that this man was very mature. He knew the problem before i explained little longer. Oh..G!...Now i really miss him. LOL. "I feel that u are too good for me" The classic words to run away from a mistake, burst out from my mouth.
"what's the reason"
" I know you deserve a better girl"
"Shhhhhi*, My family was at the top of the happiness when i brought you home the other day"
"Sorry..."
"Let's go home babe, i can forget this joke..and we'll have dinner at my home, myMOm"
"Shhh...no mommy..mommy words!!
"I know it maybe hard for you..Im sure you can love sombody else soon,"
"WHY!!! I love you..i can tell this world i love you!!! Why..!!tell me!!! please!!
"dont ask me..."
We fell into silent again..with the phone on our ears..a bit stupid..but we plunged too deep into this water of confusion. People come more and more. Some of them laughing at something that is too far from our thought.
"only a reason and i 'll go"
"I just dont know how to put a bigger love in you"
"See!! you love me i know!!
" not sure!
"Please..come with me..let's start it over if i had mistaken!!
"Im out from this love"
He was silent right after listening my words. He stare at me and i closed my eyes again. And he said..
"Okay..im going now..but never ever think that you've done this love, we can talk about this later!!!
He went away just before i say.."No thank you, we are done"
I lost him in my sight. i could say that he was the most handsome man on the spot. Suddenly i remembered that he may follow me home. He could do something bad. I didnt know him. All that i know was only his love and he had many friends around the city. What if he just asked one of his friends to kill me? *too exagerated*
I ran out of the park and stop a taxi. I turned of all my cell phones. I lived in a terror for three hours. I turned on my phones with many messages saying "i love you babe". Calls suddenly came and all were my friends. They really wanted to know if i had dumbed him. Then they said "im so sorry for him". "Ok..then"
I never got his news until 14th september this year. I have lost him. He sent me a message on my Friendster:
whtever her name...cause "i dnt wanna miss a thnk"someone who i love in my past..so manny question abaut her,, who is she....? so many lie sh's say to me,,, there many time she let me down,,, there many time she playing my heart,,, then sh's smile abaut it... sh's cruel intension...and i dont know why sh's did that to me...?i suppose i'll never know it. it's past... it's hurt...but i alredy forgive her..be good n take care...i hope u change n love someone whith ur heart, n dont ever let him down..
He is My Past....
After this part. My friends suggested me to be alone. They wanted me to not getting any relationship with anyone atleast for three months. They said i was the worst girl on earth. i dint know why, i just followed the suggestion. I didnt anything related with love. I was so into my job. Suddenly i had enough time to accompany myself, to love myself, to be myself, to be with nobody, only affiliated to friends.
To tell the truth, the memory of my ex-nice boyfriend still lingered. But i was too afraid to make another mistake. Sometimes i still got some calls from him but i always ignored. Friends again told me that i was cruel. I never thougt that i was cruel. Till read the message. There were so many good times i passed with him. All i could say was ROMANTIC. He played guitar around me, he dressed up properly when he wanted to meet me as i was very important person on earth, people could never guess why i dumbed him.
One word that might be the most reason was POSSESSIVE. 151208 was the date when i accepted him tobe the owner of my heart. It is now Okay. Let's go back to the state of being alone of mine. Then i finally missed something i called "to be protected, to be the one, to be with a man". I told my friend about this, but she said "think properly", another friend said i had to think of my age. the bottom line was that i had to get somebody who i can lean my head on.
Suddenly i got another thought that i should think much about my future. I got a good job where i could get a good salary. I had nothing to do with school i was done. i should fine the Mr. right. My parents always said that i had to get a man who i could follow to do good things, Who could make me feel secured, who i could trust deeply, who could understand me...."DO YOU WANT? (this quest is for you guys! c'mon one of you who read this.LOL. NOBODY WANTS ME)"
I then realised that i had left the internet connection for 5 months. Myfriends told me that i had to stop making friends for only three months. It had been 5 months for me not to meet new friend. That was the time when i had a bad mood. My friends were out of the boarding house. They were to busy with their business. Some of them were too busy with their boyfriends. HUUH! i was so alone. I went to a very silly net centre. The operator smilled at me and said.."i miss you". ARrrggh!!! I knew that because i didnt spent much money for the net for the past 5 months.
I opened my friendster and Yahoo. Thousand unread mails. Suddenly a friend popped up. We were chatting like before. We had never met before. I forgot most information about him. He said the first Hi"....We started to intoduced ourselves again. I knew that he was from a very good university in the city. I decided to like him. he impressed me from the background of study.
We were talking formally. Like meeting an old friend. Telling our classes story. I am not so into him but yess i started dreaming of having this kind of boyfriend; polite, smart, and just one year older than me. We are just in the equal level of life. Suddenly the rain came. I didnt bring an umbrella. I thought it would be nice to stay chatting in the net center. When i was about to tell him my phone number, the internet was down.
I decided to go home. My boarding house was very close to internet center, but sure the rain was falling cat and dog. I enter a caffe. I saw more and more people stopped their trip and finally order coffee. I was the only girl there. I knew some of them started to make a joke of me. I dint care. They were talking around me, two boys with black jackets. They, i guessed talked about me. Everytime i tried to warn them by looking at them, they hide their faces.
Oh G!!! rain didnt stop in an hour! suddenly i missed my bed. I decided to get out and run home. One of them (boys with black jackets) stop me in fron of the cashier desk.
"hi" he open u his cute lips as he is cute too, rather short
"and what's up"
" my name is Yans? he said while asking for a handshake,
"Then?
"I just wanna know your name?
"fifi"
"oghh hi fi...my friend would like to meet you"
"then?
"would you mind to?
"of course, why not?
he called out his friend and a young guy, much talle than the first boy came to us. This one has a very sweeeeet smile, calm, simple.
"Hi this is my friend Budi..." what a very silly name.
" hi" i said finally
" Bud this is fifi"
They were cute, but if i could choose, LOL, i would choose the taller one. His snmile could stop my breath for a second (hyperbolic). We spent an hour to talk and finally the shorter guy left us. His house was around my boarding house, he said he really needed to do something. We were there, only the two of us.
"I hope, that you are the one who just chatted with me"
" Why !!! is she beautiful like me? i tried to make a joke
"dont know, i just gave her my phone number and i dint get hers, she would never call me i guess"
"dont be down like that, you boys..will be easy to forget one girl and get another girl in a chat room"
"not me"
"hahahha,look....how come that you really expect her"
He fell in to silence. Staring at his glass which was full of orange juice with cellphone in his hand. I started to get bored. He was cute, but..hahah tooo melancholic...!! i got an idea to pretend that i got a call and i neeed to leave the cafe.
"hi! who is this?, i just wanted to make a fake call but the phone number was picked up, how come!
"em..iwho are you!
"How come! I just turned my body around and i found him facing me with his handphone
"heloooooo!!!
"yeah..im here!!!
I turned off my cellphone and he was wondering. He kept silence.
"wait..tell me..are we just on the phone!!!????
"i m not sure, call that number again!
I did it and we look at each other, his phone was ringing right away.
"GOD"
"Yeh thanks God he has brought me a girl"
I didnt answer anything. remained silence, till he sent me home. At home i was wondering how..could this happen. i dint tell my friends at all. It had been a week since we met. Nobody tried to reach ech other. But. there were five missed calls when i checked my cellphone. HIM! I dint kknow why, suddenly i wanted to call back, but my phone was ringing again, popping up his number.
"Hi, how's life"
"good i guess"
"it's saturday, i was wondering if we could go out for coffee"
" well..i'll let you know in the next 2 hours"
"should i wait for that long...?
"YOu should"
"Ok...see yaa..."
Short question and answer, I never knew what to say. I didnt want to let anybony knew this. I was too afraid to have a new friend. It was eady for me to turn on. He was qualified enough for this. Intelligence. The only thing i knew good from him.
I just made up my mind and i didnt let him wait for 2 hours. I just said 'yess' and we went off. We had a quite nice date that time. He took me out to a movie and ended up in dinner. We were there eating and enjoy ourselves. Nobody wanted to talk. We just enjoyed every single song presented by a local jazz group.
I smiled when we found our eyes met in a glance. He was about to say something a little while later, but he postponed. He thougt about that for a while. then suddenly he said:
"I am so sorry that i need to ask your permition to hold your hand to support me saying something now"
This was really the first time in my life to hear this weird act. I could not get his point.
"what support is that may i know"
"may i?"
"yess of course", i was little embarrased when i felt that touch. This man was not a playboy i knew. His way of holding my hand behind the candle light was really strange as he'd nevr done before. "warm and charming"
"i just want to say that you will be the last girl to own my heart"
I stared at his eyes, no doubt. I was shocked. i had never got this act before. All i had done with all boy friends were having fun. This saying was quite serius for me.
" Will you be my wife?
his other question made me cry. Somebody proposed me on the first date. I dint know why that i said, "yess"
till now he is with e. i promise him to be the only owner of this heart.
Absolutely i want to be his wife.
The Mr. right that i had been seraching for so long, i found.
I love him and will always be forever.
Mr. right made me never ask why and what shoul i...
Yess is an absolute answer.
Love you....till the end of time.
(Surabaya, SUTOS XXI, Kungfu Panda, 150608,)
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